Art is one of the talent, that only human have this proficiency. Art also is expressing the negative energy inside us. We born have this kind of skill being innate in us, and God giving it to us as our brain. After we born with this skill, we have the choice to use it in good or evil. Also we don't know how people will receive this kind of art. We find that art have two effects on our life good and bad. We find also people divided into groups: some against art and the other are support it.
People who against art think that it lead people to depart from their thoughts or adopt bad ideas. We find the number of films, plays and songs that broadcasting today in space channel and how it helps in diffuse corruption and bad idea in our society. In addition to that it makes youth violent, and has all kind of this violent. Beside all of this danger it has bad effect on teenager, it changes their minds and thoughts and it may lead them to destruct their life and future.
But who being advocated art think that it is the best thing in their world, and no one can live without it. It diffuses all kinds of virtues, and educates people about their life. Also they think their work being useful to people, and help them in their life and knowing about the outer world. Also they think they discuss a lot of issues that helps youth in their life, and take their attention about the thoughts that surrounding them. People who support art think that they do a favor for their society, and art is the best thing to develop our youth thoughts.
At the end, I want every artist to ask himself a question: that if what he does is useful for people or it cause harmful to them?. I think art is the negative energy of negative people whom want to diffuse bad ideas between people in our world. And if every artist asked himself this previous question before doing any work, he won't do any bad work (if he had a good mind). And if we don't know that art is legitimate or sin? Look at the bad thoughts, and how it causing harmful to people, then you will know it is ABIG SIN.
Thanks for writing the first draft. Rally the topic you chose is argumentative.
ReplyDeleteYour draft needs to be more organized. Some ideas are difficult to be understood.
Also, take care of the use of gerund as you use it in the wrong place.
There are some detailed corrections such as:
1. Art also is expressing the negative energy inside us. We born( have)(with) this kind of skill being innate in us, and God (gives) giving it to us as our brain. After we(are) born with this skill, we have the choice to use it in good or evil. Also we don't know how people will receive this kind of art. We find that art have (has)two effects on our life good and bad. We find also people (are) divided into groups: some against art and the other (are) support it.
2. People who (are) against art think that it lead(s) people to depart from their thoughts or adopt bad ideas. We find the number of films, plays and songs that broadcasting today in space channel and how it helps(they help) in diffuse(ing) corruption and bad idea(s) in our society. In addition to that it makes(they make) youth violent, and has all kind of this violent(violence). Besides, (all of this danger )it has bad effect on teenager, it changes their minds and thoughts and it may lead them to destruct their life and future.
3. But who( being advocated ) (calls for) art think that it is the best thing in their world, and no one can live without it. It diffuses all kinds of virtues, and educates people about their life. Also they think( whom???) their work (being) useful to people, and help them in their life and knowing about the outer world. Also they think they discuss a lot of issues that helps youth in their life, and take their attention about the thoughts that surround(ing) them. People who support art think that they do a favor for their society, and art is the best thing to develop our youth thoughts.
5. useful for people or it cause(s) harmful to them?. I think art is the negative energy of
6. negative people whom(who) want to diffuse bad ideas between people in our world(I don’t understand this sentence). And if every artist asked himself this previous question before doing any work, he won't do any bad work (if he had a good mind). And if we don't know that art is legitimate or sin? Look at the bad thoughts, and how it (they)causing(cause) harm(ful) to people, then you will know it is ABIG SIN
welldone sara. your essay is so marvellous. your indroduction is attractive. the main idea is so clear and percise. you talk about your point of view in an excited way as well as you present the counter opinion in your essay. the conclusion is very good. but you should take care of grammar. generally, i hope to read more and more essays for you.
ReplyDeletegod blesses you.
nice work sarah..i liked your way in presenting the idea, your essay is organized. I think it is simple and clear. you really introduced the two opinions in a nice way...Welldone
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